The blonde jokes below are from the book 100% Blonde Jokes. Check it out now for 100s of mean blonde jokes.
How Many Sheep Do I Have? There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?" The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
Horrific Accident A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Acute Appendicitis A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.'' The blond yelled at the doctor... ''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!''
She Was Soooo Blonde... - She studied for a blood test. - She sold the car for gas money. - When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. - When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' she turned around and went home. - When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. - She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. - She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. - She had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.' - She thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company.
Parachute Jumping On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?" "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground." After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
How Many Sheep Do I Have? There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?" The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
Horrific Accident A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Acute Appendicitis A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.'' The blond yelled at the doctor... ''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!''
She Was Soooo Blonde... - She studied for a blood test. - She sold the car for gas money. - When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. - When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' she turned around and went home. - When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. - She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. - She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. - She had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.' - She thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company.
Parachute Jumping On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?" "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground." After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
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